this introvert’s dream

Does every introvert secretly dream of being a writer?  Or is that just me?  One of my friends recently asked me what I thought I would be if I wasn’t a birth doula.  And I said something along the lines of… “oh, I think I’ve found something pretty great with this doula-ing thing… I’m not pining away for something different.”  Buuuuut, that’s not entirely true.  Sometimes I daydream about what it would be like to be a writer.  I know that I am romanticizing it (a lot) but some days it just seems so appealing.

I could spend my days in blissful silence, sipping my latte, a la Carrie Bradshaw, writing  relevant or witty or possibly even beautiful essays.  Maybe an advice column like Dear Sugar.  Or a collection of letters to my kids.  Or a parenting journal like Anne Lamott.   Wouldn’t it be grand if I was supposed to be writing all the time?  You know, because it was my job.

I enjoy my work as a birth doula immensely.  It has challenged me and changed me and moved me in ways that I never imagined for myself.  I won’t be changing careers.  Not a chance.  But there IS one catch to the doula-ing gig.  You can’t do it by yourself!  Ever.  There is almost NO aspect of my job that involves sitting at my desk in silence.  With the exception of billing, scheduling and responding to client emails/calls/texts, every part of my job is face-to-face.   I think I might have one of the best, most fulfilling jobs possible and I feel so fortunate to have stumbled upon it, but my need to recharge in solitude is sometimes impossible (remember my two kids?) and that’s when my dreams of writing full-time take flight.

My friend, Laurel, and I were talking about our introverted (me) and extroverted (her) natures and I remember trying to describe to her how I was always dreaming about more alone time.  She nodded thoughtfully and said, “hmmm… when I’M with my kids all day, I imagine all sorts of wonderful conversations that I’d like to have with other people… and you imagine all sorts of wonderful conversations that you’d like to have with… yourself?”

Exactly.

I enjoy writing because it’s like having a conversation with myself.  It’s like putting my jumble of thoughts into a juicer.  It somehow takes my chaotic assortment of musings and contemplation and theological pondering and compresses it to release something coherent.   I find it exhilarating and cathartic at the same time.

Every night at dinner, our family goes around and shares our “favorite part of the day.”  The highlight, of course, is hearing Gryffin and Isaiah’s favorite parts.  Or, “fay pah day” as Isaiah currently calls it.  My favorite part is almost always writing.   I guess everyone daydreams about being paid to do that one thing that they enjoy so very much.  And I’m no exception.  Everyone’s got to have a dream, right?

So now you know mine.  What would you pick if you could be paid to do that ONE thing?

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A few favorite parts from this weekend…

Isaiah, post jelly sandwich

Gryffin waking up from a nap yesterday.