done for now
Our preschool teacher sent me a text yesterday morning to say she was sick and school was cancelled for the day. Sigh. All my plans for the morning up in smoke. Just a year ago, this kind of thing would have been mildly devastating to me and my little introverted heart. For reals. Well, ok, “devastating” might be too strong a word but I would have been crushed. To have those highly valued, counted on and counted-down-to alone (read quiet) hours snatched up with no warning would have done me in. This morning though? I just sighed a little sigh, shrugged and said “ahhh, well.”
Things are changing ’round here. To have the boys unexpectedly home for the morning wasn’t a big deal. Not by a long shot. And I was surprised to suddenly find myself, and the boys, in this place. This place of “yeah, we can totally hang out here ALL morning and it’s really (mostly) fun” rather than “oh my gosh, what on earth am I going to do with them for 6 freakin’ hours? How am I going to entertain them? I suppose we’ll head to Target again just to break up this monotony.” Don’t get me wrong – I have always believed my boys to be crazy awesome and yes, yes, I focused on soaking it all up and loving every minute and all that. But we’re in a new place now.
So anyhow, I was pleasantly surprised yesterday at my nonchalant “no biggie” attitude. Remember how flexible I am? But the hours are no longer so monotonous. The boys are able to do so many fun and interesting things these days – imaginative play, playing together, art projects, race track building, train-track laying, bike riding, and the list just keeps on growing. My sister and her husband are often saying how much they miss having a baby in the house, how the baby phase is one of their favorites but… I’m not so sure I feel that way! I liked my babies, of course. Carrying them in my body and birthing them both was life-altering and undeniably two of the best things Jason and I have done together. And I do miss the squishy legs, the sleeping in my arms, the sleeping in our bed, the onsies, the cheering on as they rolled over and sat up and crawled and walked and talked. But I’m so thrilled with this current stage and all the interesting conversations we are having (like yesterday’s “how do squirrels eat?” (G) and “why do you wear a jacket when you ride a motorcycle?”(Z)) and exploring and learning so many new things with them. The farther we get from that “baby stage” the more it feels like we are peering out the back window of a car as the pregnancies and babies grow smaller and smaller in the distance.
For a long time after Jason and I got married, the question was always “when are you going to have kids?” Now that we have the kids, the question has switched to “how many are you going to have?” And while the pregnancies and babies are seeming more and more a thing of the past, we are still asking ourselves that question. How do you know when you are “done.” Someone brought up that question in my mom’s group last week and the conversation was so interesting and it further solidified my answer.
We are done having kids. For now. But I’ve learned from watching my sister and her family, leaving tomorrow (!) to pick up Peter, their soon-to-be-adopted son from China, 6 years after they knew they were done, that you just never know. And I’m ok to leave it a little messy, a little up in the air. I’m interested in foster care, Jason is interested in adoption, so we’ll see what happens as the years unfold. Our family might continue to grow and expand in the years to come. It might not. I know that we will look back fondly on these early years. No question. But I’ve come to believe that just because we will miss our boys as the darling, vulnerable little guys that they are right now (and because we already miss them as the babies they once were) doesn’t necessarily mean that we should have more kids. It just means that we will miss them. And that’s a good thing.
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Curious to hear from others… have you decided that you are “done”? How did you come to that decision? What factors did you consider? And why do so many families stop at 3? Is it just part of human nature to enjoy the challenge of being outnumbered?
Working on art projects yesterday morning. There was a whole 5 minutes there when I thought, hey, this is fun! Maybe I should homeschool!?…but the feeling was fleeting.
Isaiah concentrating so hard on those scissors. Almost got it, bud!
Gryff showing off his older-brother-I’m such a hard worker-skills.
I even got in on the action and worked on some sticker charts for the boys and their new “family jobs.” We decided that it’s time for them to have some family jobs – I like that phrase better than “chores” b/c it seems to connote more of a sense of “hey, we’re in this together” rather than “Ugghhh, boring work to do.”
And will wonders never cease? I found a combination of veggies and fruit for juicing that the boys like! A shocking turn of events. Celery, Kale, Apple, Orange, Lemon. I tried adding carrot but apparently it must be green or it’s a no go.
Who knew?