Friends, I had a fashion crisis on Sunday. I was sitting at a coffee shop with the boys waiting for Jason to finish the Mercer Island Half Marathon. As we enjoyed our treats I watched some of the 5K runners trickle in for their post-race caffeine. Now, I was already feeling like a slacker for a couple of reasons. First of all, I’m certainly not about to run a 5K, let alone a half marathon. And second, instead of taking my kids to a park to spend the beautiful Spring morning in the great outdoors, I was camped out at Starbucks feeling grumpy, taking solace in my latte and bribing my kids with croissants.
And that’s when it happened.
In walks a group of five women about my age looking incredibly chic and put together. Especially considering they just ran a 5K. Every single one of them was sleek and lithe and just so… cool. Hair done to perfection. Makeup flawless. And their clothes. So matchy matchy and hip. How? How does this even happen? Shouldn’t I have been the one looking pulled together and awesome, sipping my espresso while they marched in all sweaty and gross? I mean, really.
What really got me, though, was their pants. All of them had on some version of this…
Some long, some cropped but all of them… tight. Ladies, talk to me, please. When did we start wearing these? I’m know I’m always a little behind on the fashion front. Is there some other memo that I’ve missed? Last I checked (which was, admittedly, a while ago) we were wearing sweats, shorts, and sometimes yoga pants for running. Is this, like, the skinny jeans for workout wear? At first I thought it was only this particular group of women but over the next half hour, every single woman runner who walked in was wearing them. It’s a conspiracy. There was only ONE woman there who was wearing shorts and I gotta say… she looked woefully un-stylish.
A few months ago I was ironing a pair of khakis and as I mentally went through my list of girlfriends, I had a startling epiphany. Khakis… none of my friends wear them. Wait, what?!? The wardrobe staple that I’d been dutifully ironing for over a decade gone in the blink of an eye? Say it ain’t so! I immediately called a conference with my friends and asked them pointblank, “Do we still wear khakis?” And they oh-so-gently told me that it was time to let them go. It was hard, y’all. La Verne & Kelly kindly conceded that maybe I could hold on to a wide-legged pair for Summertime only. You know, like if I’m wearing them with a flowy white shirt on the bow of a boat or something. But otherwise, it was time to give up the ghost.
I mourned the loss of my khakis. I really did. But I dutifully threw myself headlong into the hunt for a more suitable “business casual” staple. So you can see why this moment in the Starbucks on Sunday was just beyond the pale. To be faced with this reality so soon after the loss of my beloved khakis was too much. Could it really be time to give up my yoga pants as well? I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t so but then I remembered a video that was posted on Facebook last week of one of my pastors working out (Pastor Brenda putting us all to shame!) and it slowly dawned on me. She had been wearing a pair of those pants, too. That settled it.
It was all just too much. I got up to take Gryffin and Isaiah to the bathroom, looking down in despair at my dear yoga pants as we walked past all those snazzy runners. When we walked into the restroom, though, I noticed something on top of the toilet paper dispenser that someone had left behind and it made my battered spirits soar. It was like the universe was throwing me a bone.
You know what it was?
A green scrunchie circa 1991. I just stood there and gazed upon it for, like, a full minute. And then a slow smile spread across my face. Everything was going to be ok. I’ve got this. Because surely, surely, if people are still wearing scrunchies, then I’ve got plenty of time to get on this new workout-wear bandwagon. Maybe once I actually get on the working OUT bandwagon. First things first, I suppose. But if things change in the meantime, would one of you kindly let me know?