showing up
Disclaimer – I am going to be waxing poetic about God in this post and attempting to talk shop like a theologian. This makes me nervous being married to a theologian who just yesterday told me that I was speaking heretically (he was right, btw).
I was chatting with a friend recently about some of the recent frustrations and sadness in my life and she responded by telling me that God has a way of showing up in our disappointment. It’s something I’ve actually heard a lot over the years in the church. Different riffs on the same song, I guess. God shows up in our weakness, God shows up in our darkest hour, in our dark night of the soul, in our fear, in our loss, in our sorrow and on and on and on. I heard someone say something along those lines just this morning, something about God showing up where we least expect it.
But I’m not sure I agree. I think there is something skewed in the theology of God showing up. I understand the sentiment, to be sure, and the sentiment is good. But I don’t think the wording is quite right. If I learned anything as a Communication Studies major (for the record, I learned a lot), it’s that words matter. You might say it’s just semantics but the words we choose, or don’t choose, matter. Words are important. And I don’t think God just “shows up” anywhere. God already is everywhere. It’s not as if God sees a person in trouble and comes running to the rescue. God doesn’t just hear the distress signal and is suddenly “at the ready.” I think WE show up. God is already in all things, around all things and through all things.
As a doula, the first traumatic and frightening birth I attended was only my 4th one. I knew that it was inevitable, that I would encounter something like it at some point in my line of work but I honestly thought it would be years down the road. I was completely unprepared and I wasn’t sure what to do. I was scared. As I struggled to keep my composure and to be fully present for my client, I prayed (something wonderful and eloquent along the lines of “help, help, help, help, help, help”) but I found that God didn’t arrive in grand fashion as I hoped. God didn’t magically show up in that hospital room because there was suddenly a great need. God was already there. And instead, I sensed the presence of God and I showed up and joined in the work of being present.
Maybe it’s like this — it’s like one of my favorite lines from the Chronicles of Narnia, at the end, when, upon seeing the new Narnia for the first time, the unicorn cries out,
“I have come home at last. This is my real country. I belong here. This is the land I’ve been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now! The reason why we loved the old Narnia so much is because it sometimes looked a little like this.”
When we show up, we get one of those rare glimpses. One of those rare glimpses of the new Narnia while still living in the old. We suddenly awaken to the fact that God isn’t just now showing up but has been here, in every way and in every thing, at all times. I think we often assume that we need to somehow summon God’s presence, rather than simply acknowledge it, celebrate it, and join with it. Come to think of it, it makes me think of the practice of here that I wrote about last year. It’s from Brian McLaren’s book, Naked Spirituality, and McLaren defines it as “the practice of invocation and presentation, awakening to the presence of God.” I guess I need to get back on that!
A few places I’ve been particularly aware of God’s already-present presentness lately…
On Lake Washington on Labor Day with some friends. Isaiah was a little nervous and it was nice to hold him tight, take in the incredible views and enjoy the company of our closest friends
This might sound sort of silly but the zoo. We’ve only been twice before but never seen so many of the animals up close. We went last weekend on a whim and we saw some amazing animals. I particularly enjoyed the cheetah (leopard? tiger?), the elephants, and this hippopotamus,
The unbearable sweetness of Buppy lately. Kid gives kisses and hugs like it’s going out of style lately and it’s almost too much to take.
And this guy! Gryffin (fingers crossed!) turned the corner this week and has been so much fun. He says it’s because he’s almost four and just such a big boy. Our conversations have been fascinating (to us, anyway!) and he’s been working on his faces – this is his “funny face.”
